Let’s talk about the Big O (orgasm). The anatomy behind it. And the expectations behind that.
The female physical sexual response center is the clitoris. That is the region on the vulva, with LOTS of nerve endings, that when stimulated, will cause intense pleasurable sexual feelings, that can climax into a orgasm.
It is an external spot. Not internal. (The “G-spot” is an internal region on the top vaginal wall, connected to the clitoral nerves that some women may respond to).
Only about 30% of women will orgasm from penetrative vaginal intercourse.
But almost every woman expects to have an orgasm that way.
Why?
1️⃣Lack of education. Very little to no education goes into understanding the female sexual response (especially in orthodox Jewish circles).
2️⃣The patriarchy (trendy, I know). When men achieve orgasm through penetrative intercourse, then women must as well, right? Nope.
3️⃣Social construct. Penetrative sex is thought to be the end all and be all of the sexual act. What causes you to “lose your virginity”. What defines con
summation of your marriage. The “usual” way to conceive. So if that’s the big deal part of this, all the other stuff that comes before or after is just that. The “other” stuff.
When in fact, for the majority of women, it's that other stuff that makes the experience pleasurable.
Stop thinking that you HAVE to have an orgasm from penetrative sex.
Or that something is wrong with you if you don’t.
Or that you’re doing it wrong.
It’s unnecessary pressure.
It’s physiologically inaccurate most of the time.
It’s like being upset when you can’t write well while holding a pen with your toes.
It COULD work, but most of the time, it just isn’t going to.
Penetrative intercourse can also feel really good. And for that 30% of women, end in orgasm.
And even if you don’t end up having one, sex can still be pleasurable. And it’s also good to be aware of what positions may work for both of you, usually one that allows for clitoral stimulation at the same time as vaginal penetration.
Share this info with your partners. Make sure they know this. They want you to feel good also and need to be educated on how to make that happen.